Judgey Jane... we all know her. She is the woman you run into in the grocery store who looks at you cross eyed because your snotty son is currently licking the dirty cart while eating non-organic fruit snacks. She is the front desk clerk who asks you to quiet down your starving baby who has now been waiting to eat for 30 minutes because she is taking her sweet time checking you into the hotel room you so desperately need. We all know Judgey Jane.
Due to a lack of common sense, filter or otherwise general love for their fellow sisters, Judgey Janes can not help but comment on anything and everything and surrogacy is no exception. When we talk to surrogate candidates and carriers, we do hear occasional stories of Jane and her ugly head rearing up and remarking something to the effect of: "You're a surrogate? Wow, I could never give up my baby." Often caught off guard, surrogates feel unprepared to answer Jane and leave feeling like they could have done a better job defending themselves and educating Ms. Snotty Pants.
The truth is, no matter how much good you do in the world, there will always be people who critique, criticize or undercut your value. To them, I say... well, I say nothing. They aren't worth my time, my energy or the mental head space that I choose to use to care for my littles, be a wife, run a business and support other women.
We all know that the baby you are graciously growing is not YOUR baby. We know the time you have taken away from your own family so that you could give the gift of parenthood to someone else. We know that you and your belly buddy are happy being in a 10 month relationship so that he can be born into a world full of love and support. We all know whether you are a preschool teacher who grows the minds of toddlers for 10 months a year or a surrogate who grows a baby for 10 months, you deserve a salute, a "cheers" and a huge hug. You are incredible.
From a mama of 4, a former surrogate and a business owner, I say let the Judgey Janes of the world say their piece. Let them try to undercut the hearts of women willing to make incredible sacrifices for others. Let them whisper ignorance. We will be over here, empowered, strong and not willing to let one crabby apple spoil our much deserved slice of pie. #surrogatestrong